The Only Thing That Didn’t Arrive Is Your Brain

Me: “Hello, I see you opened a PayPal dispute for this item. It looks like your item was delivered, as shown by the delivery confirmation number. ”

Customer: “I would like a refund. This item didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: “All custom orders, like your ring, are shipped to be received within fourteen business days from the date of purchase. It looks like your item arrived a day or so outside of that timeline. I’m sorry it was delayed in transit, but I’m happy that it wasn’t lost in the mail and did arrive safely! If you have any further questions, I’d be happy to help.”

Customer: “This didn’t arrive in a timely matter. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “If you’d like to return the ring, you can do so within seven days from the date you received your purchase. If you wish to do so, please return the ring to the address on the package, and please include the receipt.”

Customer: “I’d like a refund for this item because it didn’t arrive in a timely manner. I like the ring; I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’d be happy to accept a return on this item. Please send it, as I mentioned above, to the address on the package within the next 7 days.”

Customer: “I like the ring. I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t issue a refund unless you send back the ring.”

Customer: “But it didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: “I’m very sorry you’re unhappy with the length of time the USPS took to deliver your package. I’m more than happy to issue a refund for your purchase price if you send the ring back to me.”

Customer: “I want to keep the ring, and I want a refund. It didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: *wants to die*