The One Time A “Junk Pic” Had A Good Outcome

Boyfriends/Girlfriends, Colorado, Funny Stories, Office, Rude & Risque, USA, Wordplay | Romantic | August 26, 2021

My girlfriend is asexual and open about it at work. One day, I’m cleaning up stuff at my place and come across several things I no longer need, so I offer them to her if she wants them. She asks if her coworkers can take some of it and I agree. However, I’m so used to interacting with her, I don’t consider how others view it.

I text her a picture of everything with a message.

Me: “Here’s a pic of my junk. If they want anything let me know and they can have it for free or real cheap, depending on what it is.”

I think nothing of this until it’s nearly dinner time and I hadn’t heard from her again. This isn’t unusual, but she normally lets me know that she’s headed over since we don’t live together, and she is coming over for dinner. I text her a couple of times while making dinner and get no response. I’m considering calling her office when I get a knock on the door.

Girlfriend: *Between fits of laughter* “Oh, my God! You made my day with that picture!”

Me: “What? How? And why didn’t you answer your texts?”

Girlfriend: *Still laughing* “Oh, every time I opened your texts, I got a fit of giggles and couldn’t respond. You remember [Annoying Coworker]?”

Me: “The one who keeps insinuating that you and your coworkers are less of a woman because you won’t have kids?”

This has been reported multiple times, but it’s always determined that it “can’t be determined if it’s directed at you” as several women there have decided not to have children.

Girlfriend: “Yeah, her! Anyway, she reported me to human resources for ‘showing a picture of my boyfriend’s junk’ to everyone. I ended up having to go to HR to explain it.”

Me: *Light bulb going off* “Oh, no… Oh, s***, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

Girlfriend: “I’m not! HR agreed that what we were doing was within reason, if a little risky of being misunderstood, but that what [Annoying Coworker] did could be considered sexual harassment! With all the other reports against her, we can finally show she’s picking on me! Your junk made my day!”

Me: “I never thought I’d hear you say those words.”

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!