The Ocarina Of Crime

(We’ve been receiving a LOT of scam and spam calls on our landline, despite the number being on the Do Not Call list.)

Me: *picks up* “Hello?”

Caller: *has a very heavy Indian accent* “Miss? I am calling from the Internal Revenue Service about penalties on your—”

Me: *howls with laughter* “F*** you, I work for a tax firm. I know the IRS doesn’t cold call about penalties.” *hangs up*

(Almost as soon as I’ve hung up, the phone rings again. ID shows it’s coming from the same number.)

Caller: *attempting to sound intimidating* “Listen here, you will be in very much trouble with the IRS. This is not a joke—”

(I laugh even more loudly and obnoxiously than I did the first time and hang up on him again. Almost immediately, the phone starts to ring a third time from the same number. Fed up with this belligerent scammer, I grab my replica Legend of Zelda ocarina off my desk before I pick up the phone.)

Caller: “STOP HANGING UP ON ME, YOU STUPID B—”

(He stopped calling after I responded with a very loud and sustained blast of the most ear-piercingly high pitched shriek of a note the ocarina could produce straight into the phone speaker.)