The Name Game

(I’m in my mid-20s and work with a lot of high school girls who talk about relationships a lot. Three of them are arguing over whether nicknames or pet names are cute, immature, or annoying.)

Coworker #1: “They just make me roll my eyes a lot. I think they’re dumb. You outgrow stupid names.”

Coworker #2: “No you don’t! Hey, (me), you’ve got a boyfriend, right?”

Me: “Yeah. We don’t do the pet names thing, though.”

Coworker #1: “But you call each other ‘baby’ and ‘sweetie’, right?”

Me: “No, I don’t like that. He tried calling me ‘baby’ exactly twice before I told him to cut that shit out.”

Coworker #2: “See? It’s immature to call someone anything but their name!”

Me: *tired of hearing this argument* “I call him my ‘pet’ and he calls me his ‘mistress.’ Much more fun that way.”

(The conversation stopped right there.)