The Mother Of All Sicknesses

Customer: “I need to get an appointment for my son right away!”

Me: “Okay, has he seen the doctor before?”

Customer: “No. He had an appointment but he missed it.”

(I get the patient’s name and check him in the computer. He missed a consult appointment on 8/10 and didn’t call to cancel. He simply didn’t show up. It is now 9/27.)

Me: “Okay, our next available appointment is October 22nd.”

Customer: “That’s not soon enough! Don’t you have anything sooner?”

Me: “That’s our next available routine appointment. If you want to have his primary care physician call and speak with our doctor, we may be able to move it up, but right now I can’t put him in our emergency slots.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s our policy not to give out emergency slots to patients who have previously no-showed appointments.”

Customer: “What if it’s an emergency?”

Me: “Given that his original appointment that you missed was six weeks ago, I find that unlikely.”

Customer: “He’s got hormones in his brain!”

*long awkward silence*

Me: “He’s a teenage boy, right?”

Customer: “It’s an emergency!”