The Most Insecure Working Security

(I have just finished a purchase and am leaving the store. A security guard stands in front of me.)

Guard: *yelling* “I’M SORRY, SIR, BUT MY BOSS IS A C*** AND DEMANDS I SEARCH YOUR BAGS. MAY I?”

Me: “Oh, umm. Sure?”

(He searches my bags in the most thorough way possible. He doesn’t find anything and turns to a smartly dressed gentleman who has been just off to the side of the entrance.)

Guard: “[BOSS], I HAVE SEARCHED THE INDIVIDUAL YOU REFERRED TO AS A [SLUR] AND HAVE FOUND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. MAY I NOW GET ON WITH MY ACTUAL JOB INSTEAD OF ACTING ON YOUR RACIST BULL-S***?”

(The gentleman almost turns blue before disappearing outside. The guard turns to me.)

Guard: “Sorry. He’s had this entitled attitude since the EU referendum, and I’m actually sick of it. Just thought I would teach him a lesson before leaving. Hopefully HR will handle him, but it doesn’t look hopeful. I’d suggest shopping elsewhere in future if you don’t want to be accused of theft. Again, sorry.” *walks away*

(I was honestly stunned, but I’ve got to admit it was quite satisfying, too.)