The Most Grinding Customer

(I work as a barista at a well-known coffee shop in the area. We sell not only specialty drinks but merchandise, as well, which is displayed in the cafe area for customers to pick up. One day an elderly Caucasian women walks into the store and comes up to the register. She seems like a very sweet lady.)

Me: “Hey, how can I help you today?”

Elderly Customer: “I would like to get [Product], please.”

(With all the noise of the machines behind me I misheard her. I thought she wanted a cup of brewed coffee.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that roast available today. Would you like [Coffee]?”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, no. I don’t want a drink. I would like a pound of [Product].”

Me: *finally hearing what she said this time* “Oh, okay. The [Product] is behind you on the shelves.”

(The elderly woman turns around and looks at it and then stares at me for about 20 seconds. She then goes from staring at me to glaring at me.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Elderly Customer: “Well… Do you expect me to get it myself?”

Me: *a look of shock comes over my face* “Well, yes, ma’am. That is why the [Product] is displayed out in the lobby.”

(The woman furiously turns around and grabs the [Product] that she wants and slams it on the counter. By this point five people have showed up and are waiting in line.)

Me: “Would you like me to grind this [Product] for you?” *trying to keep a smile on my face*

Elderly Customer: *sarcastically* “No! I’m just going to stick the whole [Product] in my coffee maker and see what comes out! Of course I want you to grind it!” *under her breather* “Idiot.”

Me: “Now, there is no need for that, ma’am.”

(I grab the [Product] and scan it into the register and she swipes her card and takes her receipt.)

Me: “Now, what kind of filter do you use at home?”

Elderly Customer: “What? What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “Well, in order for you to make your [Product] at home and not get the grounds in your cup, it needs to be ground to a certain coarseness. What kind of coffee filter do you use?”

Elderly Customer: “Why can’t you just grind the coffee and shut up?!”

(I am now fed up with this old b****, so I get my coworker from the back, making her aware of the situation.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what kind of filter do you use? I would hate for you to take home a bad [Product].”

Elderly Customer: “Fine! I use a metal filter.”

(My coworker and I look at each other, as we have never dealt with grinding for a metal filter. Also, our [Product] grinder has settings on it, but half of them are faded beyond recognition. I try to look at them but can only make out a few.)

Coworker: “Do you know if that is similar to a coarse grind or a fine grind?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t know! It’s just a standard [Coffee Maker] metal filter.”

(Having already been fed up with this customer, I open the bag and throw the [Product] in the grinder.)

Me: “Well, we have never had to grind for that before. Do you know if it is on the coarser side?”

Elderly Customer: “Why are you asking me these stupid questions?! This is your job. You are suppose to know this! Or are you two just dumb buffoons who forgot everything that they trained you on?!”

(Now I am mad, so I set the grind to the coarsest it can be and turn it on.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, ma’am, but that is not acceptable. We are trying to help you out here.”

Elderly Customer: *shouts* “How dare you speak to me that way?! I am leaving and going to the [Competitor] coffee shop. You can forget about getting my service again!”

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Aww, you will be sorely missed! Please don’t come back!”

(The elderly lady grabs her purse and starts walking towards the door.)

Coworker: *leans over counter and shouts* “Oh, and ma’am?”

(The elderly lady turns around. I think that my coworker is going to tell her to grab the [Product] that I have just ground, but she says this instead.)

Coworker: “Please, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. I really don’t want to clean your a** print off of it.”

(Everyone in the shop, having witnessed this scene, starts to laugh. The elderly lady turns back around and slams the door.)

Me: “Okay, I can take the next guest at the register.”

Other Customer: “Hey, I am sorry you had to had to deal with that.”

Me: “Thank you.” *I turn around and grab the $15 bag of [Product] and put it on the register* “Would you like a free bag of ground coffee? That lady just left it here. I don’t think she will be coming back for it and I would hate for it to go to waste.”