The More She Speaks The Worse It Gets

I work in a Christian store where we sell Bibles, educational materials, clothing, and gifts. I feel like, being the kind of store we are, most of our customers are friendly and kind. Occasionally, we’ll get impatient or rude people, but not as much as other places. Then there’s this lady.

She comes around fairly regularly. We haven’t quite figured out what her deal is yet. I think she’s a compulsive liar and loves the attention. As far as we know, she’s not physically disabled. However, she’ll regularly tell us she’s hurt or can’t breathe and wants to sit while we shop for her. She even pretended to be deaf once, trying to sign to my coworker and whispering her words. If she manages to trap one of us into helping her, she’ll ramble on with different stories, mostly about her cats.

A couple of weeks ago, she asked my coworker to help her get what she needed. My coworker spent forty-five minutes gathering what this lady needed, all while listening to the woman say she was a millionaire and could buy whatever she wants. She ended up with two full carts at the register. She then claimed she’d forgotten her card at home and asked us to hold her stuff while she got her card. She never came back, and she ignored us when we tried calling her. Finally, my manager said to put it all back. Not fifteen minutes after we did so, she called asking if her stuff was still on hold. She was told no because it had been three days by that point. She got very indignant about it, saying how dare we put her stuff back, blah, blah, blah. She still never came in to recollect all that stuff she “needed.”

Yesterday, we got a phone call from her. She wanted us to hold more stuff for her. One of the assistant managers was talking to her. After a bit, she looked at me, rolled her eyes, and mouthed, “Help!”

I took over the call since the lady needed something from my department anyway. I then got to hear about her cat, her hurt foot, and her job as a kindergarten teacher — those poor children! I finally got her off the phone and we put her items on hold. No one expected her to actually come for them.

Today, when I get to work, I’m told I missed this gem. The lady actually did come by to get her stuff but refused to get out of the car. She called from the parking lot, asking if we could bring her stuff to her.

Manager: “No, ma’am. We don’t offer curbside pickup, and we are forbidden to handle customers’ credit cards. You will have to come inside.”

Customer: *Whiny voice* “But I have my cat with me, and I can’t just leave him in the car! It’s so hot!”

Manager: “We are pet-friendly and you can bring him in if you need to.”

Customer: “But I hurt my foot and I can’t breathe good. Can’t you just bring me my stuff?”

Manager: “No, ma’am. We are not allowed to do that.”

Customer: *Huffy* “Well, I want to talk to someone else, then!”

Mind you, this is already the store manager she’s talking to, so I’m not sure what she thought someone else could do that he couldn’t. However, he’s done dealing with this lady and hands the phone to the other assistant manager. He tells her the exact same things.

She finally comes inside with an attitude. As my coworkers are trying to get her rung up and gone, she turns to the assistant manager.

Customer: “Do you have any water I can have?”

Assistant Manager: “No, ma’am. We don’t sell water and our drinking fountains are out of order.”

Customer: “Well, then, the least you could do is run over to [Fast Food Place down the road] and get me an ice water. You know, since it’s so hot and I had to come all the way inside.”

Assistant Manager: *Stares at her in disbelief* “Uh, no. I can’t do that.”

She glared at him, took her items, and walked out (perfectly fine). While I’m sad I missed the drama, I do hope she doesn’t come back.

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