The Mood Is Gone

(My brother recently got laid off and the financial issues have caused him to fight with his girlfriend, which means he’s been staying at home lately. I work at a cinema so in an attempt to cheer him up I offer to take him to see some movies.)

Me: “Is there anything you want to go see? I have a bunch of free passes.”

Brother: “Well, assuming that my girlfriend doesn’t dump me, we could go see ‘Gone Girl.'”

Me: “…I don’t want to be a d***, but can I just point out the irony of that sentence?”

Mom: “You’re being a d***, honey.”