The Man With None Name

(I called my internet service provider about my DSL account, which I had opened more than ten years ago.)

Me: “I’d like to make a change to my DSL account.”

Employee: “Certainly. You have a security question on file. Can you please tell me your father’s middle name?”

Me: “Um… my father didn’t have a middle name.”

Employee: “Well, you have an answer on file, sir.”

Me: “I don’t know what to say. He didn’t have a middle name!”

(I eventually am able to prove my identity by providing a credit card number. Afterwards, the employee tells me…)

Employee: “For future reference, sir. The middle name we have on file for your father is N-O-N-E. None!”

Me: “…”