The Lack Of A Ticket Is Un-Beer-lievable!

I’m tearing tickets at a movie theater one slow night when a suspicious-looking man in his forties with a large, ominous duffel bag wanders right past me, despite me asking repeatedly if he has a ticket to show me, and into the first theater in front of him. The movie in that theater doesn’t start for another twenty minutes, so the lights are still on inside.

I follow behind with my walkie-talkie, ready to radio my manager to call the police. I peek in and see him plop down in the back row, open his duffel bag… and pull out two six-packs of beer and about a half-dozen takeout boxes. He produces a fork — I’m not sure where from — and begins to wolf down noodles and chug his beer.

Normally, I don’t mind if someone sneaks in a candy bar or a bag of chips or a water bottle — small things. But a huge meal and twelve cans of beer is absolutely ridiculous. I can smell it from where I’m standing, and I’d be furious if I had paid for a ticket and had to deal with the stink of his smuggled food and drink and his slurping. I approach him.

Me: “Sir, two things. First of all, you absolutely can’t have alcohol on these premises. This is a strictly alcohol-free business. You can either take the beer back to your car or dispose of it, or you’ll have to leave. I’m also going to need you to do the same with the food. Second, I didn’t get your ticket. I’m gonna need to see it.”

Customer: *Confused* “Ticket?”

Me: “Yes, I’ll need to see your ticket.”

Customer: “Ticket?”

Me: “Yes… ticket.”

Customer: “I need a ticket to see a movie?”

Me: “Yes. That’s traditionally how movie theaters work.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have one.”

Me: “Then you’re going to have to go back to the box office and buy one. You can’t just enter the theater without one.”

Customer: “D***!”

I radio my manager to watch the greeter’s stand. I stand there and watch him slooooowly get up and put away his stuff. And when I say “slowly,” I mean it. It literally takes him five minutes to do this.

No exaggeration.

He keeps sitting down and sighing, checking his phone, rubbing his forehead like he has a headache, etc. I’m certain he is stalling and hoping I’ll leave so he can just say. I cross my arms, move even closer to him, and watch him intently. He finally leaves, naturally leaving his half-empty beer and half-empty food box for me to clean up. I follow him outside. He then turns to me.

Customer: “Which one of these theaters has [Movie] playing?”

Me: *Knowing he’s just going to try and sneak in* “If you go to the box office and buy a ticket, it’ll have the theater number on it.”

Customer: “Okay.”

He wanders away. I go back to the ticket booth and tell my manager what happened. About a half-hour later, the guy wanders by me again, doing the same thing as before; he —just walks right past without showing me a ticket. This time, I jog after him and stand in front of him.

Me: “I’m going to need to see your ticket.”

Customer: “Which theater is [Movie] playing in?”

Me: “It’ll say on your ticket. Do you have a ticket?”

He rolled his eyes and wandered back out into the lobby. He then tried and failed to stealthily crack open a beer right in front of the men’s room — and my manager, who was standing nearby.

My manager told him to leave or she would call the cops. He left the building… and then tried to come in about a half-hour later. This time my boss screamed at him to leave, and she picked up the phone to call the cops. He left very quickly after that.

But that wasn’t the last we saw of him! When we all left at the end of the night, we saw him passed out on a bench in front of the shop next door, surrounded by beer cans. My manager called the cops and reported a drunk passed out. Not sure what came of that.