The Kids Aren’t The Screaming Brats Here

(We run an adults-only holiday services. We’ve got many packages and advertise ourselves very clearly as such. No kids allowed. If people call in asking about bringing their children along, we usually give them the numbers of several family-friendly travel services that offer resorts near to ours. Most customers thank us for this. This one, however…)

Caller: “I want to book [holiday package] for [dates].”

Me: “How many people is this for?”

Caller: “Two adults and two children under the age of ten.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, none of our holiday packages accommodate children. For family holidays, can I recommend—”

Caller: “Shut up! We want to go to your resort!”

Me: “We offer adults-only destinations, so I’m afraid you will not be able to travel there with your children. There is a resort nearby that is very good and is family friendly, and I can give you the number for the travel agent—”

Caller: “SHUT UP! I KNOW THIS! I know it’s adults-only; that’s why we want to go!”

Me: “Then you understand you cannot bring your children along?”

Caller: “NO, YOU DUMB B****! That’s why we want to go! We want a nice quiet family holiday without other people’s screaming brats ruining it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we cannot book children into this resort. The one nearby that does accept children is—”

Caller: “WELL, THEN, JUST BOOK ME AND MY HUSBAND! We’ll just turn up with the kids, as well! What would you do, then, huh? You’d have to let them stay! You couldn’t leave children on their own!”

Me: “The resort would simply not let you in, and would probably direct you to the family one nearby.”

Caller: “AND IF WE DON’T WANT TO GO THERE?! Huh? You going to throw us onto the next plane back home?”

Me: “Not personally, no, but they might.”

Caller: “Book it for me and my husband, then. We’ll just get the kids there ourselves.”

Me: “I’m not booking this for you. Our holidays are for people with no children to destinations where there will be no children.”

Caller: “Pfft, right. What kind of adult doesn’t have kids?”

Me: “Me, my husband, and most of the staff here.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(I left a note on the computer system stating to be very careful if that caller tried to book a holiday with us, since they’d threatened to drag their kids along, too. Seriously, though, who books their kids onto an international flight knowing they haven’t booked accommodation for them at the other end?!)