The Key Is To Hang Up

(I’m counting my cash drawer at the end of my shift in customer service, the last thing I have to do before we leave for the night. The store closes at ten pm, and the department phone rings at about five minutes ‘til. Note: we don’t get overtime. We have to be out of the building after ten pm, and we have to leave together. If somebody gets held up, everyone waits.)

Me: “[Store] in [Town]. This is [My Name] in [Customer Service]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *sounds like one of our regulars, a bit of a flaky woman in her late 20s* “Yeah, hi, uh… I was in your store earlier today, and I think I left my car keys. Is there any way you can look in the lost and found? Do you guys have a lost-and-found?”

Me: *reaching over, grabbing the lost-and-found box* “Sure, describe them to me.”

Customer: “It’s a [Car Model] key.”

Me: *finds one that matches the key type, with a bunch of cartoon keychains on it* “Does it have several [Animation Company] keychains?”

Customer: “Um, no.”

Me: “Okay.” *keeps digging, finds another pair with that car model* “Um, I’ve got one here with a [High-End Grocery Store] card—”

Customer: “Holy s***, are you serious?!“

Me: “Yeah, it’s got a card for [High-End Grocery Store], one for [Drugstore Chain], one that looks like a library card—”

Customer: “Wait, what’s that one for?”

Me: “It says [some vague phrase about reading].”

Customer: “What color is it?”

(I glance at the clock. My drawer isn’t even counted, and it’s 9:57.)

Me: “Brown.”

Customer: “Well, does it say what library?”

Me: “[County].”

Customer: “Okay… What other cards are on it?”

(I tell her each and every card again.)

Customer: “Does it have like a, like, mountain clip on it? A small one?”

Me: “Yes, it’s silver.”

Customer: “All right, those definitely sound like my keys. They’ve got to be my keys.”

Me: “Looks like it!”

(It’s now 9:59.)

Customer: “Could I, like, give you my cell phone number and have you send me a picture? I know it’s late, and you’re probably busy, but…”

Me: “We do close at 10:00.”

Customer: “I know, but… I am a customer and—”

(Somebody knocks on the door, and I put the phone down to let them in. She’s still talking when I pick it back up. I know I’m not going to get her off the phone, and frankly, I want to go home.)

Me: *snaps a quick picture* “All right, what’s the cell number?”

Customer: “Awesome! It’s [number]. Do you want me to, like, text you if it’s them? Will somebody be there tomorrow?”

Me: “I’ll be working in the morning. We open at eight am.”

Customer: “Okay, good. My name is [Customer]. Can you get a picture of it with, like, all the cards spread out, or, like, a really good picture of the key itself? [Car Model] keys are cut different than regular keys—”

Me: “It’s already sending. Like I said, I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you so much. Bye!” *click*

(I was finally able to get my drawer counted, and thankfully, there were some stragglers in the store, so it wasn’t just me keeping everyone over. I got a text back confirming they were the keys. I told everyone else what happened, and they commended me for my patience, claiming they would have all just told her no and to come back tomorrow. The kicker? She kept us five minutes over closing time, AND had me send her a picture on my phone because it was such an emergency, but when I left the next day at 4:00 in the afternoon, she STILL hadn’t come in for her keys.)