The Joys Of Self Righteousness

Caller: “Hello, I’d like to report a ticket.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “I want to report a speeding ticket.”

Me: “I don’t really have the ability to write tickets over the phone.”

Caller: “He’s speeding down the road; he must be doing 90 mph!”

Me: “Generally, at this time of day we have patrols on every major street.”

Caller: “I caught up to him and he is doing about 102. His license plate is [Plate Info].

(I pretend to write it down so I can end this phone call.)

Me: “Thank you, I’ll get right on mailing this–”

Caller: “Did it come up?”

Me: “Yes, it did.”

Caller: “What did it say?”

Me: “It says the car is stolen.” (It didn’t.)

Caller: “Oh, my god!”

Me: “And what is your driver’s license number?”

Caller: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “You are aware it is illegal to drive and talk on your cellphone, right?”

Caller: *click*