The Joke Is On (And In) Him

(I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

(Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

Kid: “Man…”

(The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

(As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)