The Hole Truth, And Nothing Butt The Truth

(I work in a small shopping centre with about 15 shops. One of our regular gentlemen had come into the store to buy his lotto tickets for the week. I notice that he looks rather awkward as he is waiting for his tickets, and decide to make small talk with him.)

Me: “How’s your day going, sir?”

Customer: “Uh, fine…yours?”

Me: “It’s great, thanks!”

(The customer looks away for a moment, looks down at the paper bag in his hands, and then looks back at me.)

Me: “Is everything okay, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just went to the pharmacy and picked up me pills that the doc gave me.”

Me: “Oh, well I hope everything is okay.”

Customer: “You see, I’ve never had these type of pills before, and I don’t know what this word on the packet means.”

Me: “Well, the pharmacist or your doctor would be able to tell you.”

Customer: *sadly* “Oh, okay…”

Me: “What’s the word, sir?”

Customer: *looks at the packet* “Uh…it’s suppo-sit-ory.”

Me: “Well…uh…sir…that means that you don’t take them orally…”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You don’t put them in your mouth.”

Customer: “Well, how do I take me pills?”

(At this point, another customer behind him is clearly trying not to laugh.)

Me:  “Uh…how do I put this delicately? You…uh…”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I really think your doctor would be the best person to tell you.”

Customer: “I don’t wanna go back there. Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “Why don’t we go down to the end of the counter, sir, and I can explain it to you?”

(Not wanting to embarrass him further, but not wanting to deny his request, we go down to the end of the counter for some privacy. I spend the next 10 minutes explaining where exactly a suppository goes.)

Customer: *bright red face* “Oh! Uh!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I didn’t know…I’ve never heard that d*** word before! Well why the h*** would they prescribe something like that? It’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m not a doctor, but why don’t we finish your transaction? Maybe you can win the big draw tonight!”

Customer: “That would be nice, I could use the money. And you know, if I win, I’m coming back to see you!”

Me: *laughing* “After that, sir, I should hope so.”

(The customer laughs with me, we finish up, and he leaves. My coworker, who has overheard the entire conversation, comes over to me.)

Coworker: “Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.”

Me: “You heard right. Oh, I just feel so bad for him.”

Coworker: “You wanna take your break?”

Me: “Oh God, yes! I’m going to go see the girls at the pharmacy and tell them they might want to give him a call!”

(When he came in to the store the next time, he sadly refused to make eye contact. However, he tried to tip me multiple times!)