The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Diplomacy

(A customer in his early 20’s is ranting at the front of the bookstore. He’s speaking as if he’s much older than he is. His rant is about kids nowadays not reading as much. There are no other customers, so it’s policy to let him vent. I smile politely to everything he’s saying, since he’s not being a bother.)

Male Customer: “…they just don’t understand the beauty of holding a book in their hands, smelling the pages and reading tales of epic proportion! Kids these days just want to stand around listening to crap music. No wonder they’re getting dumber.”

Me: “We get a few teenagers coming in the store, though.”

Male Customer: “I bet they’re just picking up crap like Twilight. They’d never read proper books.”

(A customer walks in as he’s saying this. I recognise her from a few days ago, when she ordered a book. She’s about 16, very blonde, and very clearly one of the popular girls.)

Female Customer: “Hi, I ordered a book. I just want to check if it has come in? It’s under [name].”

Male Customer: *mutters* “This is exactly what I was talking about.”

Female Customer: “Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?”

Male Customer: “I was just saying that kids like you have no interest in reading. If you do, it’s all crap.”

Female Customer: “If I had no interest in reading, why would I be in a bookstore? And who cares what others think of a book, so long as you enjoy it? That’s all that matters, right?”

Male Customer: “Whatever, go on, pick up your crappy little Twilight.”

Female Customer: “For your information, I ordered John Green’s Looking for Alaska. I did not like Twilight at all.”

Male Customer: “Yeah, as if.”

Female Customer: “”War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.” George Orwell, 1984. That last line is something you ought to think about before opening your rude mouth!”

Me: “She certainly knows her stuff.”

(I hand her the book she ordered, making sure the male customer sees the cover. She pays and walks away, but turns back around before she leaves.)

Female Customer: “So long, and thanks for all the fish!”