The History Of Wrong Guards
I was working as an usher at a performing arts theater, standing there and helping patrons with directions, mostly saying, “The bathroom is that way.” As the show had just started, the patrons were now inside the theater, and I got a “break” until intermission.
One of our newer security guards made small talk with me while we counted the minutes.
The show we were working on was “Kinky Boots”. As such, the patrons were wearing some of the most colorful, over-the-top, and beautiful outfits, and many also had very tall boots. A patron came out of the theater who I somehow had not spotted beforehand. They must have been seven feet tall with the boots adding to their over-six-foot height. They were so beautiful, with makeup, hair, and outfits, that you would think they were a professional drag queen. I was overly impressed and made a comment on how nice they looked while they passed us going to the men’s room.
As soon as they were out of sight, the security guard — an older gentleman — started going on a rant about who should and should not use bathrooms, blah, blah, blah, insert horrible stereotypes here.
I did not really listen to him as he was babbling so much that one word was going into the next. The gorgeous patron came out of the bathroom and went back into the theater. Thankfully, the security guard shut up and didn’t say anything while they walked past us.
I turned to speak to the security guard.
Me: “Oh, did you hear? It has been discovered that here in America, there are millions of bathrooms that both men and women are required to use!”
Security Guard: “What?”
Me: “Oh, yeah, I just read an article on it today that women must use the same bathroom as men, even after the man has been in there for over an hour. Can you believe that?”
Security Guard: “That should never happen!”
Me: “I know, it is appalling. Also, men must use the same bathroom as women when it’s their time of the month.”
Security Guard: “That is disgusting! There should be laws against that.”
Me: “I know… Millions of personal homes and apartments only have one bathroom, and everyone in the house must share it, even when they have company!”
Finally realizing what I was talking about, he got huffy and stormed away.
The rest of the show was great; I was even able to see some of it.
