The Hair Was Just The Cut Of The Top

(This is a text conversation between me and my best friend.)

Me: “This day is starting out pretty terribly.”

Friend: “That doesn’t sound good considering you just came from a haircut. What’s wrong?”

Me: “The haircut is okay, I guess, but she had to cut it shorter on top than I wanted because otherwise it wouldn’t be shaped like the picture I showed her, so I look a lot more mannish than I had hoped. I went home to put makeup on, stabbed myself in the eye with the mascara and all the bristles fell out of my foundation brush. Then I came to school to get food at [Chinese Food Place] and they shorted me half my potstickers and forgot to give me the sauce and this Dr Pepper is actually root beer and I’ve already got my laptop set up so I don’t want to get up and go back and everything is terrible.”

Friend: “Aw, man, I’m sorry! We have doughnuts at my office if you want to stop by!”

Me: “Thanks, but I just needed someone to vent to. Now that I’ve written it out, it feels like not an objectively bad day. I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something and I’m in a crappy mood. Thanks for letting me complain to you!”

Friend: “Any time!”

(About ten minutes later, I need to text her again.)

Me: “…There’s a dead bug in my broccoli beef.”

Friend: “Yikes! I think you can count it as an objectively bad day now.”