The Grinch In Disguise

(It’s my first year patrolling alone around Christmas and I have been warned that I might meet the Grinch one of these days. Well, today I did. We have just had a heavy snowstorm with icy roads. I pull an elderly lady over for a traffic infraction: going too fast for conditions. Though she was only going 70 in a 65 mph zone, the roads are very slick and we have already responded to several accidents because of cars going off the road. It’s just two days before Christmas. She is very pleasant and talkative about her evening and upcoming Christmas Day plans and makes a few funny jokes as I’m running her details. When I first approached her car, I noticed she was decked out in Christmas attire, wearing a sweater with a light-up Christmas tree, a blinking Rudolph nose on her nose, and reindeer antlers with bells on them. This happens at the end of the stop as I’m letting her go WITHOUT the possible $250 ticket, instead giving her a warning.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am.” *jokingly* “Dispatch didn’t find you on the FBI Most Wanted List, so you’re free to go. Here is your paperwork back. Drive carefully and Merry Christmas!”

Elderly Lady: *screeching that sounds like nails on a chalkboard, sending chills down my spine* “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, YOUNG MAN?!”

Me: *taken aback by the sudden shift in attitude, thinking she didn’t get or took offense to my FBI joke* “I’m sorry, ma’am, yo—”

Elderly Lady: “How dare you?!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Elderly Lady: “How dare you wish me a Merry Christmas! How do you know I celebrate Christmas? How do you know I’m not Jewish?! I want the name of your boss, and give me your name and badge number! I am going to file a complaint for discrimination; this is unacceptable!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sor—”

Elderly Lady: “Listen here, young man! You need to learn to respect people and not assume they celebrate whatever you do. The world doesn’t revolve around officer [My Name] as much as you’d like it to think it does!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any offense towards you. I’m sorry I assumed you celebrate Christmas because you just told me you were so looking forward to Christmas and how you were going to your daughter’s Christmas feast. You are wearing a sweater with a lit-up Christmas tree on it, a blinking Rudolph nose, and reindeer antlers on your head, but again, I’m sorry.”

Elderly Lady: *slowly reaches up only to realize she is indeed wearing reindeer antlers, then looks down at her Christmas sweater and slowly removes the blinking bulb from her nose* “I, uh… Um, are we done here, officer?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you’re free to go. Drive safely as it is supposed to rain and snow more later on today.”

(After she pulled off, I just sat in my patrol car for a few minutes trying to figure out what had just happened. I told my bosses what had happened and they congratulated me on finally getting my very first Hypocritical-Politically-Correct-Happy-Holidays-Do-Gooder. Apparently, they ran into several every year, some of whom got mad at them for saying, “Happy Holidays,” some of whom over, “Merry Christmas.”)