The Great Hummus Robbery

, , , , | Working | October 22, 2019

(It’s a Monday, and I enter the break room to find my coworker. She is pacing the room and fuming.) 

Coworker: “Someone stole my hummus!” 

Me: “What? Seriously?”

Coworker: “Yeah! I had a whole tub in the fridge, and now it’s gone.” 

Me: *looks and points at the employee refrigerator with the big sign saying that the fridge is cleaned out every weekend* “This fridge?”

Coworker: “Yes! Why would someone do that? Who would just take it?” 

Me: “They clean that out on the weekend to keep it clean. You can’t leave stuff from Friday.”

Coworker: “But they wouldn’t throw away my hummus! Someone took it.” 

Me: “No, they would throw it away.” *reading the sign aloud* “’Cleaned out every weekend. Everything must go.’”

Coworker: “They don’t really mean everything.” 

Me: “I think they’ve left, like, a sealed pop can a few times. But that’s unopened. But [Office Manager] even said they’ll throw away a lunchbox if it’s left in there repeatedly.”

Coworker: “My hummus was sealed.” 

Me: “Like, unopened?”

Coworker: “Well, it had a lid. They wouldn’t throw it away if it had a lid!” 

Me: “They absolutely would. They even send out a reminder email most weeks on Friday to take your stuff from the fridge.”

Coworker: “No. Someone stole it. Who would do that?” 

Me: *giving up* “Beats me.”

(I overheard her later in the day, complaining to someone else asking, “Who would do that?” It’s like she liked the idea of a hummus thief.)

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