The Great Brain Wane Is A Real Pain

I’m shadowing my trainer at the register when a middle-aged man stomps up with a bag of dog food.

Customer: “I want a refund.”

Trainer: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It’s only half full! You people are trying to rip me off!”

We glance at the bag. The weight is clearly printed on the front: 15 pounds.

Trainer: “Sir, it’s sold by weight, not by how full the bag looks. That’s normal.”

Customer: “No! You filled it with air! Look, it squishes!”

He squeezes the bag like he’s found proof of a grand conspiracy. My trainer tries again.

Trainer: “Sir, it’s factory sealed. We don’t package these ourselves.”

Customer: “But you sell them, so you’re still responsible! What kind of store sells air instead of dog food?! Refund me!”

Eventually, the manager has to be called over. He listens patiently and repeats the same explanation until the customer storms out, vowing to never return. I stand there, wide-eyed.

Me: “I heard stories about customers like that, but I didn’t know they were real. Does that happen a lot?”

Manager: “Yup. My theory is that whenever a human becomes a customer, they lose access to their brain, but they get access to…” *Dramatic phrasing.* “‘The Community Braincell’.”

Trainer: *Nodding.* “It doesn’t work, either.”

Manager: “But it’s always right, as far as it knows.”