The Golden Age Of Grotesque Lying

(I’m taking a course in the summer to catch up on some credits. There aren’t many of us in the class so before our professor arrives we usually chat idly until she gets here. There is one guy in the class who thinks he’s so much better and more sophisticated than us because he went to high school in Europe. He’s always trying to put us down by talking about his time in Europe and how he is so much more cultured than the rest of us. It’s really annoying, so we try to ignore him. It’s halfway through the semester and while we are waiting for our professor to arrive we are talking about music.)

Girl #1: “Yeah, my boyfriend just got the latest album by Marilyn Manson. I’m not usually into hard rock, but it’s actually pretty good.”

Pompous Guy: *scoffs*

Girl #2: “What?”

Pompous Guy: “You can’t be serious. Marilyn Manson is awful. Anyone who likes her music has absolutely no taste.”

(We all look around at each other until we realize he is serious.)

Girl #1: “So… you don’t like Marilyn Manson?”

Pompous Guy: “Of course not! She sucks! Her music is terrible. See, when you’ve been to the La Scala opera house — that’s in Milan — you know a thing or two about good music.”

Guy #1: “Uh… you do know that Marilyn Manson is a man, right?”

Pompous Guy: *stares at us and starts stuttering* “Uh… I… yeah… I knew that. I must be getting confused with… someone else.” *looks down at his shoes*

Me: “So, what do you think of Alice Cooper?”

Pompous Guy: “Uh, I’ve never heard anything by her.” *quickly turns around in his seat*

(That shut him up for the rest of the semester!)