Unable To Face The Argument

(My girlfriend and I are a long distance couple, due to me receiving treatment in my home state. Our main communication is texts. To preface this, I was climbing a tree as a child and disturbed a squirrel nest. The mother went for my face, and I fell. My girlfriend knows this.)

Girlfriend: “I want a pet squirrel.”

Me: “Absolutely not.”

Girlfriend: “But they’re cute.”

Me: “Yes. They are. They are also high energy, need to constantly chew on stuff, oh, and there’s the whole ATTEMPTED FACE EATING.”

Girlfriend: “Is this the momma squirrel?”

Me: “I fell, like, 30 feet. It tried to EAT MY FACE.”

Girlfriend: “She was protecting her babies.”

Me: “The answer is no.”

Girlfriend: “Aww…”