The Flaunting Is Haunting

(I work at a place that specializes in men’s suits and formal attire. Two men come in during a quiet period and begin browsing our selection, all the time making small talk to each other.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Man #1: “Not right now. Please leave; we’re discussing important decisions!”

(He makes a shooing gesture at me, and I duly return to the register. The two keep walking around, nattering endlessly to each other, before the man who spoke turns and walks right up to me.)

Man #1: “Well, maybe I’ll come back and buy the whole store next time.”

(I look up, caught off guard by this comment. Believing it to be a joke, I smile and nod.)

Me: “Sounds like a plan, sir.”

(The man suddenly looks offended.)

Man #1: “What? You don’t believe me? Don’t think I’ve got the money to clean you out?”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry?”

Man #1: “How do you know I’m not a millionaire? I could have the finances to buy this whole store and slap my own brand on it!”

Me: “What? What are you talking about?”

Man #1: “How would you feel, knowing you just cost this place the biggest sale ever? Why should I buy anything, now that I know it’s staffed by incompetent, judgmental d**ks?”

(I’m getting rather ticked off by this guy’s attitude, but before I can say anything, one of our regular customers comes into the store.)

Me: “Oh, good afternoon, [Regular].”

Regular: “Hey there, [My Name]! Have you got more of those [Brand] shirts I called about?”

Me: “Sure, just over there.”

Man #1: “EXCUSE ME! I’M TALKING HERE! IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT IMPORTANT PEOPLE, YOU A**?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s my job to help all customers with their queries.”

Man #1: “Yeah, well, guess what? You suck at it!” *he pulls out his wallet* “See this? There’s been over $5,000 in this at any given time, and now your store ain’t gettin’ a penny of it, because you’re a worthless s***. I’m a millionaire, and I demand respect!”

Regular: “Actually, I doubt that.”

Man #1: “What? And who are you to judge?”

(The regular customer pulls out a business card, revealing himself to be a rather well-known local entrepreneur.)

Regular Customer: “Well, last I checked, my net worth was around 4.1 million, meaning that technically, I am a millionaire. With that in mind, I can honestly tell you that anyone who actually knows how to manage money to be this successful knows that part of being a good businessman is not to insult others, or to flaunt your wealth as means of belittling them, so your behavior is highly suspect. Second off, if you’re worth as much as you say, you’d also know how insanely stupid it is to carry large amounts of cash on your person, as that makes you a prime target for thievery. Granted, you may indeed have won a lot of money, or come into it, but even so that’s no excuse for being an a**hole. Certainly you can rest assured I’m never going to want to do business with you now, if this is how you act in public!”

([Man #1] sputters and looks at the card, the color draining from his face. His friend finally leans over and speaks up.)

Man #2: “Dude, we’d better go.”

(They hurry out of the store, leaving my regular customer shaking his head.)

Me: “Wow, uh, thank you immensely! Your timing was impeccable there!”

Regular: “Don’t mention it. I run into jerks like that far too often during the course of my day. Heck, the reason I shop at places like this rather than the more upscale locations is because I usually can rest assured I won’t run into any more!”