The ‘E’ Stands For Evil

(I work for the USPS help line. It’s 6:30 am, and the Postmaster General has just announced that they are cutting delivery of regular mail to five days per week, and packages to six.)

Me: “This is [post office]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I was listening to the radio station in Cleveland. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME USE EMAIL?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The radio in Cleveland says that this Saturday, all mail is getting thrown out and you aren’t going to deliver mail no more!”

Me: “Well, sir, that isn’t what—”

Customer: “They said it’s because all us old folk have to use EMAIL! I’m 75 years old and I can’t use email! It’s not fair!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that mail WILL be delivered, so you don’t only have to use email.”

Customer: “GOOD! The people who died for their country on the Pony Express want you to know how disappointed they are that you use email!”

Me: “Thanks for the input, sir.”