The Devil In Disguise

| Friendly | December 14, 2016

(I’m a cashier, female, and 23. I’m also an atheist. It’s not that important to me, so I rarely mention anything about it. If asked, I usually lie because I’ve found that making something wild up is easier than explaining my lack of religious belief.)

Customer: *hands me a Christian tract* “Do you know Jesus, our savior?”

Me: “Yes, I know of him.”

Customer: “Do you believe he died for you? Because he did.”

Me: “I know of Jesus, but I’m actually a Satanist. Similar, but different.”

Customer: *taken aback* “What’s a Satanist?”

Me: “I worship Satan in the same manner you worship your god.”

Customer: “Have you denied Jesus?! You’re doomed if you have.”

Me: “Ma’am, I worship Satan. She kinda dominates Hell. Soooo…”

Customer: “I’ll be sure to say a prayer for you!”

Me: “You do that, ma’am. Here’s your receipt.”

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