The Day Just Got A Whole Lot More Crappy

(A very popular family film has just opened, and a lot of parents are bringing in young children and babies. It’s causing a lot of problems, as the parents and children are leaving enormous messes in the theaters, including popcorn all over the floors, spilled drinks everywhere and even dirty diapers on the seats, which means the entire surrounding area must be sanitized for health reasons. As a result, most theaters aren’t clean enough to let other customers in until less than five minutes before the next scheduled show time. I’m working as an usher, tearing tickets and letting people into the theaters. I’m still waiting on the theater showing the family film to be clean enough to let people in. A huge family with about six young children, including a baby, is among the group waiting to be let in. Finally, I’m given the go-ahead to let people in. The father of the family confronts me as I tear his ticket.)

Father: “That took too long! I’m half-tempted to demand a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there have been a lot of young families leaving messes that need to be cleaned up. They just had to thoroughly sanitize half the theater, because several people left dirty diapers sitting on the seats.”

Father: “Wait… so you’ll clean up if I leave my son’s diaper in the theater?”

Me: *furious but trying to retain composure* “Please… don’t. I swear to god, don’t do it.”