The Damage Is Complimentary

, , , , | Friendly | March 15, 2018

(My friends and I are playing a custom Dungeons and Dragons scenario the Dungeon Master created, since we find them more fun. My friend often flirts with me or my character, which I don’t really mind. We are in the middle of a battle, where my ranger is using his bow as a makeshift shield against an enemy’s sword.)

Me: “I need a bit of help here.”

Friend: “I throw my spear at the enemy attacking [My Name].”

Dungeon Master: *roll the dice and gets a one* “Okay, you—”

Friend: “—wait! Before I throw, I shout to [My Name], ‘Your eyes shine beautifully like the crystal clear lake on a frosty winter morning!’ and then I throw. I also pray the compliment will make him forgive me for the spear.”

Dungeon Master: “You throw the spear. It impales [My Name] and deals four points of damage.”

Me: “Firstly, thanks for the compliment. Secondly, f*** you for the spear, and thirdly, no, it did not.”

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