The Daily Grind Can Wait

My roommate has hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) and works nights. The day I moved in, he had been (in his own words) “chugging enough caffeine to kill a draft horse” so that he was awake enough to meet with me; he promptly explained that he would NOT be conscious during the daylight hours unless the world was on fire and he was sleeping on the only hose, so we’re only going to see each other for maybe a couple of hours AT BEST, because one of us might be going to sleep an hour or so after the other one wakes up. 

One morning, as I’m waking up and [Roommate] is preparing for bed, I witness him get a call from his boss. Apparently, someone resigned with zero notice on a very busy day, and [His Boss] is trying to get some backup. I’ll spare you most of the conversation, but suffice it to say that [Roommate] cottoned on very quickly that [His Boss] was NOT threatening to fire him, and was rather just pleading to try and get him in there.

Roommate: “Dude, get it through your head. I was hired to work nights, so I work nights. I physically cannot be awake long enough to be useful to you today.”

His Boss: “Look, just tell me how strong you want your coffee, and I’ll have a whole d*** pot waiting for you with twice time and half.”

[Roommate] hummed contemplatively, and for a moment I thought he was actually considering it. Then…

Roommate: “When you were a kid, did you ever think your lemonade or whatever was too weak when you added a spoonful of powder to a glass of water, so you tried adding water to the full can of powder?”

His Boss: “What…? Um, no…”

Roommate: “That strong.”

Silence for a long moment, and then [His Boss] hung up.

Roommate: “F****** finally.”