The “Daddy” Of All Hysterics

, , , | Right | May 15, 2018

(I am out to lunch with my father while I am about 15. We are seated at a two-top in a dark corner, so our server lights the candle on the table to give us a bit more light. It is important to note that I am still calling my father “Daddy” at this point in my life. My father and I start talking, and we hear someone clear their throat. I look over at the noise and see an older woman glaring at us.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Lady: “Yes! How dare you both?! Dating a minor like this, and out in the open! You should both be ashamed of yourselves.”

Me: “This is my father.”

Lady: “Don’t you lie to me to cover up your disgusting ways! I heard you call him, ‘Daddy.’ That’s what all you little girls call your older boyfriends!”

Father: “It’s also what little girls call their fathers. I can understand your concern at a young girl possibly dating an older man, so I would be willing to show you my ID and my daughter’s school ID to prove we have the same last name.”

(The woman agrees, and we both show ID. We happen to have a very common last name.)

Lady: “These IDs prove nothing at all! You can both easily have that same last name without being related! I demand you be thrown out for subjecting us to your immoral relations! Better yet, I’ll call the police!”

(Our server finally comes back with our drinks, and notices the commotion. After getting the story from us as the woman rants, our server goes to get the manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, you are causing a disturbance. I need you to calm down or leave.”

Lady: “How dare you?! These two are breaking the law and shoving it in everyone’s faces! She’s even dirty-talking him at the table! Disgusting!”

Manager: “Okay, that’s enough. You need to pay your bill and leave. Now.”

Lady: “This is outrageous! I am trying to do my civic duty and point out the atrocities being committed right before your eyes. Why am I being punished?”

Manager: “Because you are wrong. You were proven to be wrong, and continue to proclaim otherwise while disturbing other guests. Leave.”

(Eventually, through a lot of hysterical screaming, the manager convinced the woman to pay and leave. He offered us free dessert for the trouble, but we declined since it wasn’t his fault. He ended up comping our meal, instead. Nothing beats free dinner and a show!)

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