The Crutch Of The Argument

(I am on crutches due to a bad ankle sprain. I am headed through a shopping centre when a woman a few feet ahead of me stops and turns round to look at me.)

Woman: “Could you stop making that noise? It’s very annoying.”

(I keep walking, thinking she is talking to someone else.)

Woman: “Are you deaf? I said stop making that annoying noise. ‘Click click click.’”

Me: “You’re talking to me?”

Woman: “Obviously.”

Me: “That ‘annoying noise’ is my crutches. I can’t help it.”

Woman: “Then stop walking behind me. Just stop until I’m not there.”

Me: “Or you could walk a bit faster instead of meandering along like a zombie with your face buried in your phone, and then you’ll be out of hearing range quicker. I’m not going to stop and wait just because you’re a selfish cow.”