The Conj-ER-ing

(I’m a PhD student at university connected to a teaching hospital. As part of my research, I interact with the surgical staff. One day, a couple of scrub nurses are telling me hospital stories.)

Nurse #1: “I’ll be honest, though; the scariest moment for me wasn’t about surgery at all. It was when I thought – like seriously, really believed – that we were haunted.”

Nurse #2: “What? I’ve never heard this story!”

Nurse #3: “Oh, I know this one. We had a patient – young girl, twenties, [medical condition], real long, black hair. She had to come back here for surgery and was always real sweet but complained that her hair smelled like hospital after each procedure. Then, finally, it seemed like she’d actually recovered.”

Nurse #1: “She needed a couple of followups afterward, but everything was going smoothly. Plus, each time, she brought some homemade desserts for the staff. But us, we never really got to see her after she wasn’t in for surgery anymore. Just, ‘Oh, [Patient] was here; she brought this lovely note and a tray of brownies.’ So, my memories of her are, you know, blue hospital gown, long, black hair, not looking healthy.”

Nurse #2: “But I actually ran into her a few times. Just luck, really, happened to see her in the hallways on two of her followups. Then one day– Wait, no. Remember the old phone we had in the nurses’ station? How awful it was?”

Nurse #1: “I’m out getting lunch, and my cell goes off. It’s [Nurse #2] calling, and she says, ‘Hey, remember patient? She’s here, and she died,’ and then hangs up. And I’m thinking, what on earth? She’s here for a routine followup and she died? Must be a mess out there for [Nurse#2] to be so abrupt on the phone. So, I drop my lunch and rush back to see what’s up. And I turn down the hallway in [area] – big, long hallway, with those awful, buzzy lights, and like usual it’s empty. Then, the door at the other end opens and a figure walks in. It looks like [Patient], but her hair’s gone blank white and she’s wearing head-to-toe black with a big silver skull pattern on her skirt. She opens her mouth and says, ‘I’ve been looking for you!’ and I, being a professional, scream, ‘What the f***?’ and run out of the hall.”

Nurse #2: “So, that’s the story about how I called [Nurse #1], told her a patient dyed her hair, and had an incident so bad that they replaced all our phones.”

Nurse #3: “Is this why some patient files say if the patient’s a goth or not?”