The Classic Hallmarks Of A Grumpy Customer

, , , , | Right | September 4, 2019

(I work in a grocery store. We have a selection of greeting cards, but nothing fancy. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have giant thank-you cards?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t carry oversized cards here.”

Customer: “Where can I find one?”

Me: “You could check [Big Box Chain down the street]. I think that would be your best bet.”

Customer: “[Big Box Chain] has them?”

Me: “I don’t know for sure, but that would be my guess. Either that or a Hallmark store.”

Customer: “Hallmark? Where’s that?”

(I’m fairly new to the area, so I don’t know off the top of my head whether there’s a place nearby. I offer to Google it for the customer.)

Customer: “Yes! Do that! Google it! Technology is so amazing these days!”

(I pull out my phone and do so. It looks like there is no such store nearby, and I tell him so.)

Customer: “Google ‘Hallmark’ and ‘giant cards’!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that wouldn’t help you much, sir. That would just show me a lot of giant cards that you could buy online, but wouldn’t say anything about whether there’s somewhere nearby you can get them.

Customer: “Can’t you Google it? Google ‘thank-you cards’!”

Me: “I really think [Big Box Chain] is your most likely option.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: *just wanting to get back to work at this point* “Tell you what. Let me check for you.”

(I look up product listings with my phone, getting a little irritated at this point because it’s clear this customer isn’t going to buy anything here, and everything I’m doing, he could do himself. It looks like the store probably does carry oversized cards, but it’s not clear what kind, and the customer is barking out various things he wants me to Google the entire time.)

Me: “How about I just call [Big Box Chain] and ask whether they have them? They’re right down the street.”

Customer: “What was that Hallmark thing you said?”

(I give up and just start calling the store. Just as the answer recording kicks in–)

Customer: “I don’t want to go to [Big Box Chain]! That store is too big!”

Me: “…” *hangs up*

Customer: “So, where do I go?”

Me: “As I said, you can go to [Big Box Chain]–“

Customer: “I don’t want to go there! You have to walk too much there! What about Hallmark? Didn’t you Google that?”

Me: “As I said, sir, there isn’t a Hallmark store around here. I’m pretty sure [Big Box Chain] does have what you’re looking for, though.”

Customer: “I don’t want to go there if I don’t have to. That store is a mile across!”

Me: “Beyond that, [Big Box Chain #2], or some kind of party store, I really don’t know what to tell you, sir. I’m sorry. I know we don’t have them here.”

Customer: *huffs* “Fine. Another forced march.” 

(And he grumped away without so much as a “thank-you.”)

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