The City On The Edge Of Forever

Customer: “I want my money back!”

The customer is returning an item purchased a few days earlier. She has her receipt and the item is in a good condition, so we process the refund.

Me: “You paid in cash. Would you like cash back?”

Customer: “Yes! Give me my money back.”

I count out the bills and hand them to her. She doesn’t take them but instead looks disgusted.

Customer: “No, I want my money, as in my money! I want the same bills I paid with!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s impossible. Those bills will have been counted and redistributed by now.”

Customer: “Well, go get them back! I’ll wait.”

Me: “Ma’am, how will you know if the bill is yours or not?”

Customer: “I keep track of the serial numbers.”

I kid you not, she then produces a piece of paper with a list of serial numbers grouped under bill denominations. It’s at this point that I realize this customer is… different, so it’s best to try to wrap this up quickly.

Me: “Well… those bills will have made their way to the bank, where they will be redistributed and… well… whatever the bank does with them.”

Customer: “Like I said, I’ll wait.”

I’m about to respond when my manager steps over.

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but what you’re asking is absurd. Those exact bills will have been taken to any number of facilities in the city and redistributed anywhere else in the city. I invite you to go around Los Angeles and ask its eighteen million people if they have your bill, but I can assure you it’s not here.”

Customer: “But… that’ll take forever!”

Manager: “I’m glad we’re finally agreeing. So, is it scouring the city and forever, or is it taking our bills and no time at all?”

The customer sighed and took the bills originally offered. I understand some people have OCD, but did she seriously expect the store to keep track of every bill’s serial number like she does?!