The Cats Demand You Spill The Beans

(My husband is preparing dinner. He opens a can of cannellini beans and two of our cats come running, meowing in the most pathetic, begging fashion and making boo-boo eyes.)

Husband: “These are beans. Not cat food, beans. You have never been interested in beans before.”

(The cats meow and try to stretch up to the counter to reach the food.)

Husband: “You want to see the beans? Here.”

(He takes the colander full of drained beans and brings it down to ground level. Both cats excitedly sniff a couple of times, realize it’s not cat food, and look betrayed. Satisfied, my husband places the colander back on the counter, but the cats begin begging again.)

Husband: *exasperatedly* “They’re beans. Cannellini beans. Here. Look.”

(He spears a bean on a fork and shows it to them.)

Husband: “This is a bean.” *pause* “No, we don’t rub our head on the bean. That’s not what beans are for. They’re cannellini beans, not catellini beans. Now stop.”