The Call Center Front Lines… A Lawless Place

I worked for an online retailer. I often deal with the return of an items, and the number of times a caller would threaten legal action the second they were minorly inconvenienced, I’d audibly groan and say:

Me: “One moment, please.”

I’d audibly shuffle some papers as if I were looking for a script, then say, with rehearsed confidence:

Me: “Because you have indicated the possibility of pursuing this through the legal process, I must, unfortunately, withdraw any slash all offers of compensation or complimentary expedited service that may or may not have been offered, lest such actions be misconstrued as an admission of wrongdoing by a judge or jury where our company does not necessarily acknowledge any such wrongdoing has taken place. You’re welcome to return an incorrect slash defective item to us at your expense. Upon return, if the item is found to be incorrect slash defective, you may be reimbursed for an amount equal to the most basic return shipping cost and a replacement sent out via standard delivery. If you wish to expedite shipping, please remit the additional required amount. If your item is not found to be incorrect slash defective, it will be returned to you after remittance of standard delivery charges. Would you like the address of our corporate attorneys in New York?”

Never did I have anyone ask for that address, and never was I marked down in a call for this, since it was most assuredly not a standard script nor company policy.