The Boys From U.N.C.L.E.

(I am tucking my brothers into their beds. Brother #1 is 8 years old, and brother #2 is 9 years old.)

Me: “Goodnight sweetheart.”

Brother #1: “Are you pregnant? You’re fat. Are you going to have a baby? I want to be an uncle.”

Brother #2: “She can’t have a baby! She isn’t married yet!”

Brother #1: “You should get married! You should call [boyfriend] and ask him to marry you!”

Me: “But, I don’t want to ask him to marry me. I want him to ask me.”

Brother #1: “Well, give me your phone. I’ll tell him to marry you, and then you can make a baby! Then, I’ll be an uncle!”