The Boyfriend Didn’t Come As Advertised

| Romantic | July 30, 2013

(I am on a website where you can watch TV shows for free. Sometimes ads with audio will pop up, and you can never tell what they will say. I am watching a perfectly innocent show.)

Advertisement: “HEY, YOU IN [CITY!] ARE YOU LONELY TONIGHT? ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A F***-BUDDY TO KEEP YOU COMPANY?”

(A very lewd video of a woman performing a certain sexual act comes up.)

Advertisement: “JUST CLICK ON THIS LINK TO FIND OUT WHAT [XXX.com] CAN DO FOR YOU!”

Boyfriend: *coming up behind me* “WHAT THE H***? You were watching p*rn? Is that it?”

Me: “No! Just listen to me! It wasn’t p*rn! It was just an ad!”

Boyfriend: “Is that the way you swing, then? Well, fine! That’s it! I’ll pack my stuff and be out tonight! I don’t even know why I’m dating you, you ugly fat-a**! You b****! F*** all this! You’re nothing but a f***** lesbian d***! Don’t you ever f****** talk to me again!”

(He stomps off. I run after him, grab him, and haul him back.)

Me: “Look at this screen. You’ve been on this site before; you know how these ads pop up. Now, look at what I am watching. It was nothing but a pop-up ad. I wasn’t watching p*rn, idiot.”

Boyfriend: *actually looking* “Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry! I didn’t know!”

Me: “That’s great, but now that I know the kind of person you are, you’re welcome to follow through on your threat. Pack up and get out. Don’t talk to me again.”

(I now have a new, kinder boyfriend!)

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