The Birds And The Bees And The Mammals

(I am about four years old. I’m watching a documentary on birds. I’ve always been a big nature and biology buff, even at this age, so when the documentary shows a clip of a wedding while talking about how some birds mate for life I get curious.)

Me: *to my mom* “Why aren’t there any documentaries on humans and their mating habits? I don’t get how it works. I mean I know we’re mammals and have naughty bits and stuff but how and when? We don’t seem to have heats or rut seasons or anything and all these clothes would get in the way. And people only seem to have kids after marriage, so is there something about that kiss at marriages that triggers the exchange of fluids and sperm or what? And if that’s true how can people get unmarried? Or kiss with out producing babies?”

(Mom has been staring at me flabbergasted for the whole little speech before getting up and turning off the TV.)

Mom: “I am so not having this discussion with you for at least a decade. Go outside and eat dirt or something.”