The Best Guarantee Is Camping With Someone Slower Than You
A customer is looking at our tents. He comes over to me, looking very serious.
Customer: “I need a tent that guarantees I won’t get eaten by a bear.”
Me: “Well… none of our tents come with bear-proofing, per se. But we do have bear canisters and sprays, and you should always follow local safety guidelines.”
Customer: “No, no, I mean guaranteed. Like, I want it in writing that if I buy this tent, no bear will come near me.”
Me: *Light chuckle.* “I’m afraid we can’t offer a written bear deterrent guarantee.”
Customer: “Then what exactly am I paying for?”
Me: “A waterproof tent.”
Customer: “Where do I go to get a no-bear guarantee?!”
Me: “…a hotel?”
