The Benefits Of Knowing About Benefits

(I work in a benefits office. There are two customers behind the one I am helping.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #3* “Did I tell you I got a new job?”

Customer #3: “Aren’t you here for unemployment benefits?”

Customer #2: “Yeah!”

([Customer #1] looks at me in horror as [Customer #2] continues to boast about his job. I smile at her.)

Me: “Don’t worry; it will be taken care of. Next?”

Customer #2: “I want my unemployment benefits.”

Me: “No, sir. I just heard you talking quite loudly about your new job, as did a room full of witnesses. We also have security cameras. Are you going to leave or am I going to call the police?”

Customer #2: “Listen here, you little b****. You’re just a useless woman who doesn’t understand business. Give me my benefits or I’ll smash your head in.”

(He is clearly drunk. My manager steps in at this stage, a bulk of muscle.)

Manager: “I’m very sorry, sir. If you’d like to step into this side room for me? We can sort out your benefits. Do you have your forms?”

(He winks at me as they leave. I continue to help customers until two police officers step through the door. They head into the staff room to review security footage and then enter the side room, leaving with the man in handcuffs, who is screaming.)

Policeman #1: “…benefit fraud, aggravated assault, and disturbing the peace.”

(The man sees me and the manager, who comes to stand beside me.)

Manager: “You are no longer welcome on these premises. Next time you assault my fiancée or any of my staff you’ll be in hospital before the police get here.”

Me: “By the way, I’m a newly-graduated business major working here before I start my new job. Have fun in custody!”

(We heard later that he was to face a judge soon, and never heard anything else, but we never saw him again. I started my new job a month later, and am a lot happier. My fiancé and I are married now, and he told the story at our wedding!)