The Beer Audacity Of The Man

Me: “Thanks for calling [Restaurant] in [Town]. What can I do for you this evening?”

Caller: “Uh, yeah, do you guys deliver?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we deliver within a five-mile radius.”

Caller: “I think I’m within that. Can you check?” *gives address*

Me: *looking it up* “Yes, we can deliver there! Can I just get some additional information from you first?”

(The customer gives me their name, phone number, and confirms their address.)

Customer: *places order*

Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?”

Customer: “Uh… um… Do you guys sell beer?”

Me: “We have the proper license to serve beer and wine, but not to sell. You would need to stay in the restaurant to drink it.”

Customer: “Can I get a couple of [beers] delivered with my food?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t deliver alcohol. Not only would we risk having our license revoked, but we could also get a hefty fine, not to mention that our delivery driver is under the legal age and could get in a lot of trouble for having alcohol in his car.”

Customer: “What if I paid extra?” *suggestively* “Something for you, and something for the driver?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It doesn’t work like that. If you would like, we could change your order to a pickup, and you could come and get it and have a drink at the bar?”

Customer: *clearly agitated* “Well, I guess I’ll have to come and get it, then!” *continues grumbling*

Me: *trying to remain cheerful* “All righty, sir. Your total for the food is [amount]. It should be ready in about twenty to thirty minutes.”

Customer: “Whatever.” *click*

(A while later, the customer comes in. His food is ready, and I begin to bring it to him at the register.)

Me: “If you’d just like to double-check these, make sure everything is correct.”

Customer: “Where’s my beer?”

Me: “We can definitely add a beer to the order. I’ll go place these—” *gestures to the food* “—back on the oven to keep them warm.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to pay for it! I’ve already made the trip! I demand to be compensated for my troubles!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t give out free beer. You would need to pay for it.”

Customer: *yelling* “No! I demand it come out of your pocket!”

Me: *losing my patience* “Sir, I have tried to be nice. But to be honest, I don’t feel comfortable serving you anything now. I suggest you pay for your food and leave. If you are that hard up for beer, there is a large bottle shop about three-quarters of a mile down the road. You can’t miss it. They probably have better prices, anyway.”

(By now, I realize my boss has noticed the commotion and has stepped out into the doorway of the kitchen, silently watching. He is a very large, intimidating man.)

Customer: *now red-faced with a bulging vein going down his forehead* “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

(My boss leisurely moves towards the counter, stopping just behind me.)

Boss: *placing his hand on my shoulder* “Hi, I’m [Boss]. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “She–” *points to me* “–promised me free beer if I came to pick up my order! But now she’s refusing me service! What kind of f****** establishment hires such dishonest, rude sluts? I want my food — AND MY BEER — FOR FREE!

Boss: *calmly* “Sir, [My Name] has been working here for years, and I believe she knows the rules by now; she’s one of my best employees. Now, from what I have seen, you have been harassing my staff and disrupting my other customers. You have been attempting to bully my worker into committing an illegal act, risking her job, my restaurant, and the safety of others. If you do not want to pay for your food, fine. We will donate it to the local fire station. But I suggest you leave these premises and do not return.”

(The customer sputters for a moment, and then quickly turns on his heel and storms out the door. Now, it’s worth noting that my boss is not a very fuzzy person. However:)

Boss: *under his breath* “What an a**hole.” *to me* “[My Name], I believe you handled that very well. Good job. Take a few minutes to pull yourself together. When you leave for the night, ask [Coworker that is trained in martial arts] to walk you to your car.”

(Now that the situation was over and the adrenaline was no longer pumping, I began to deflate, and I was thankful for the break and the knowledge that my boss has my back. I never heard anything more from the angry customer, and he never called again.)