The Bare Truth

(I worked the front security gate at a local amusement park during the summer. It has a water park inside, so people come through in bathing suits, and sometimes less. A guest walks through the metal detector and it flashes red.)

Me: “Do you have anything metallic on you, sir? Like maybe your car keys, a watch? Something like that?”

Guest: “No, I didn’t drive here, my friend did.” *points to his friend and walks back through the gate*

Me: “Surprise, it flashed red again. Are you sure you don’t have anything metallic on you?”

Guest: “NO! I told you I didn’t drive here!”

(He began to take off his shorts and shirt before I could say anything; he had nothing but a speedo on underneath.)

Me: “Umm, what’s that?”

(He drops the speedos in front of the crowd.)

Guest: “Those are my keys, I put them in my bathing suit so I wouldn’t lose them on the rides.”

Me: “Please pull your pants back up, and those do count as something metallic, just so you know for next time.”

(He walks into the park with his friends, and now I have a line of guests who all assume I will make them strip…awesome.)

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