The Bank Where Nothing Makes Sense Is EVERY Bank

(The branch manager is out, so I’m considered the “supervisor on duty,” as I’m a lead teller. The phone rings. One of my coworkers grabs it.)

Coworker: “[Branch] in [Town], this is [Coworker]… You want the balance on your boyfriend’s account? Are you on the account with him?… I’m sorry, I can’t give that information out unless he approves it…Yes, really… It’s a violation of our privacy policy…He can add you, but he would need to come in and speak to a banker… I’m sorry, our manager has stepped out, but I can take a message and… Yes, I am new… Please hold.” *puts the phone down and turns to me* “Can you talk to this lady? She won’t talk to me anymore because I’m new.”

Me: “No problem.” *picks up the call* “This is [My Name].”

Customer: “Finally! I need the balance on my boyfriend’s account.”

Me: “Are you on the account with him?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give that information out unless he approves it with us beforehand.”

Customer: “But I’ve done it before! He asked me to!”

Me: “Technically, it’s a violation of our privacy policy to give out information about an account that doesn’t belong to you.”

Customer: “Oh. I was not aware of that.”

Me: “He can always add you to the account, but he’d need to stop by a branch and speak to a banker.”

Customer: “He can? Great! I’ll talk to him about that later. You’ve been so helpful, [My Name], thank you!” *hangs up*

(My coworker is staring at me, mouth open.)

Coworker: “You said almost exactly what I said.”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “She didn’t listen to me. She listened to you.”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “GAH!”

Me: “Welcome to [Bank] in [Town], where nothing makes sense!”