The Awkward Door Shuffle Makes Things Go South

(I was born and raised in the midwest, but moved south for college, and adapted to the local quirks quickly, including door-holding. If there is someone within fifteen seconds of the door, you will hold it for them and you will hold the door until no one is within that distance, regardless of holder/holdee gender combination. However, some guys will not walk through doors held by women, instead insisting on taking the door in an awkward handoff, even if there are fifteen people behind them.)

Me: *grabs door and holds it open after class gets out*

Classmate: *who is a foot taller and a good 150 pounds heavier than me* “Oh, miss, let me get the door for you.”

Me: “OH, MY GOD, JUST GO THROUGH THE F****** DOOR!”

Classmate: *looking at me with equal parts terror and respect* “Yes, ma’am.”

Professor: “That was a bit harsh.”

Me: “I’d feel bad, but that was the third time some southern gentleman tried to do the awkward door shuffle with me.”

Professor: “Third time this week?”

Me: “Third time today.”