The Art Of Ambiguity
(A man drops two packs of briefs on the counter).
Me: “Even exchange, sir?”
Man: *indignantly* “I need the right size!”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Man: “They’re the wrong size!”
Me: “Which ones aren’t the right size?”
Man: “I need the right size!”
Me: “…So you’re returning these?”
Man: “I need the right size!”
(At a loss, I call my coworker over).
Coworker: *looks at the packages* “Even exchange?”
Man: “I need the right size!”
Coworker: “So you’re returning both?”
Man: “Read what it says there.” points at one of the packs*
Me: “Um… Big Men’s Briefs? Size 2X?”
Man: “I need the right size!”
Coworker: “What size do you need, sir?”
Man: “44 to 46!”
Coworker: *checks pack* “That’s what this IS!”
Man: “I need the right size!”
Coworker: “Then you have to go find it. We don’t have it up here.”
Man, bellowing: “This is BULLS***! F*****’ A**HOLE!”
(Everyone in line falls dead silent).
Me: “So… you are returning these, then?”
Man: “I need the right size!”
Me: “Okay–”
Man: “These don’t fit me! I need briefs that fit! I’m a big guy!”
(We finally figure out that the briefs in the bag weren’t the size marked on the package).
Coworker: “Well, you’ll have to go find another pair, then.”
Man: “YOU go find another pair!”
Coworker: “We can’t do that! Go check the aisle!”
Man: “I did already! There aren’t any!”
Coworker: “THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO GO TO ANOTHER STORE!”
Man: “YOU call another store! Find them for me!”
Coworker: *turns to me* “Call another store.”
Me: “I… um… okay, sir, you can sit down over there and we’ll call to you when we find them.”
Man: “Speak up, I can’t understand a word–”
Me: “SIT DOWN AND WE’LL CALL YOU!”
(Our manager walks by. He comes over and gets the guy to agree to just return the briefs).
Manager: “Do you have a receipt?”
Man: “No!”
Manager: “Okay, do you want the money back as store credit or on your charge card?”
Man: “What? Just give me the money!”
Manager: “That’s what I’m trying to do. Store credit or–”
Man: “WHAT? JUST GIVE ME BACK THE MONEY!”
Manager: “Store credit it is.”
Question of the Week
Tell us your story about a customer who couldn't understand the most simple concept.
