The Answer To Their Question Is Just Crickets

(I work in the office of a pest control company. A customer calls a tech, complaining about a cricket problem in her home.)

Tech: *arriving at customer’s home* “All right, ma’am, there isn’t really a cricket problem in Florida, so we don’t really have anything for them, but let me take a look around.”

Customer: “Please! They’ve been keeping me up at night!”

(The tech walks around the customer’s home and hears a distinct chirping sound. He looks up.)

Tech: “[Customer], you don’t have a cricket problem. Your smoke detector needs a new battery.”

Customer: “It is not my smoke detector! I know it’s crickets!”

(A neighbor just happens to drop by then, and the tech lets him in after making sure the customer is familiar with him.)

Tech: “Can I ask you a favor?”

Neighbor: “Sure!”

Tech: “Can you tell me what that noise is?”

(The neighbor looks around for a moment and then points at the smoke detector.)

Neighbor: “Looks like it’s the smoke detector.”

Customer: “It’s not the smoke detector!!”

Tech: *to neighbor* “I’m not really allowed to mess with that. Can you take it down?”

(The neighbor removes the dead battery.)

Customer: “Hey! The noise stopped!” *after a moment* “So, what are you going to do about the crickets?”