The Adventures Of Beer Man!

It’s about 10:30 at night. I’m a twenty-one-year-old woman working alone and an obviously drunk man walks in with a sober woman trailing behind him. They grab a twelve-pack of beer and head to my register.

Customer: “Hello! Oh, you’re cute. Do you think I’m cute?”

Me: “Yeah, sure.”

I put on my customer service smile and awkwardly make eye contact with the woman he’s with.

Customer: *Lightly pushing the woman* “That’s my sister. Don’t worry; I’m single. Do you think I’m cute?”

I just try to move things along and get the drunk stranger out of my store.

Me: “Sure, you’re cute.”

Customer: “Nooooo, but really, do you think I’m cute?”

Customer’s Sister: “Yes, she said she does! Just buy your beer and leave the girl alone!”

Customer: “No, really, I wanna know. Am I cute? I have a six-pack. Wanna see?”

He lifts up his shirt.

Me: “Oh, very nice. Yes, you’re cute!”

Customer: “Thank you!”

He and his sister finish up the transaction and start leaving, but he stops by the door and clutches his beer to his chest.

Customer: “Hey, this beer is you. This is me hugging you. Will you hug me back?”

I then give him an air hug, lightly flapping my hands in the air like I am patting his back.

Customer: *Super excited as he leaves* “Yes! You’re so cute! I love you! Call me!”

Me: *Quietly to myself* “Ah, there goes the love of my life, beer man, and he didn’t even leave his number.”