The Absence Of The Lambs

Customer: “Do you have any mutton pies?”

Me: “No, sorry. We don’t.”

Customer: “I’ll have one of your mutton pies, thanks.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any mutton pies.”

Customer: “Are your mutton pies done in the Scotch style?”

Me: “No… because we don’t have any.”

Customer: “Can I grab two of the mutton pies, then?”

Me: “No, because we haven’t got any. I don’t even think we have any lamb pies either, for that matter.”

Customer: “Well, can I get a lamb pie, then?”

Me: “I’ll check if we have any, but I don’t think we do. Hey, [Coworker #1]! We got any lamb?”

Coworker #1: “No! Don’t have any!”

Me: “[Coworker #2], we got any—”

Coworker #2: “NO!”

Me: “Seems we don’t have any lamb, sorry.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Coworkers #1 and #2: *at the same time* “YES!”

Customer: “Oh, well… Can I grab a couple of mutton pies, then?”

Me: “No. Because we don’t have any. And we don’t have any lamb either. No lamb or mutton pies.”

Customer: “What do you have, then?”

Me: “Well, we have mince.”

Customer: “I’ll take a venison pie, thanks.”

Me: “Here’s your pie. Have a nice day.”

(After the customer leaves, the next customer, who has been there through the entire conversation, steps up.)

Next Customer: “What an idiot, aye?”

Me: “Well, it takes all sorts. So, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I grab a lamb pie, thanks?”